Exploring Subspace
I felt like I was melting from the inside out, my instinct to hold on proving futile against the relentless pressure. Pain, pleasure, vulnerability, humiliation, shame, and embarrassment all surrendered to his control. My body mirrored my mind, opening like a flower in the sun, yearning to submit, obey, and surrender to his every desire.
His energy consumed me like a predator closing in on its prey. I was hunted, drawn to the ground as my knees buckled in natural submission to his authority. In his presence, I longed to kneel, my wrists yearning to be bound behind my back. Holding his gaze became increasingly challenging, each glance stripping away layers of my defences. With each passing moment, my control slipped further, leaving only him in the room. Every fibre of my being begged to yield, to obey, and to submit to him indefinitely.
Understanding Subspace
Subspace ultimately covers a broad spectrum of submissive feelings. It can manifest in various forms: light and subtle, unexpected, emotional, profound, fleeting, long-lasting, tearful, sexually arousing, or non-sexual. Overall, it’s an intensely addictive and cathartic experience. However, after spending time in this state with a partner, returning to reality can be a gradual process. r, after spending time in this state with a partner, returning to reality can be a gradual process. This transition, known as sub-drop or Dom-drop, involves navigating the euphoric highs and lows as you readjust to your independent state.
Triggers of Subspace
From experience, I’ve discovered various triggers, some catching me completely unaware, while others are more predictable.
Physical Triggers
In consensual non-consent (CNC) relationships where safe words aren’t utilised, I’ve been pushed beyond my limits. Real tears can transform into complete surrender when you reach a point of giving in, and at that moment, an incredible rush of pleasure emerges. This level of experience requires a significant amount of trust within an established relationship, where you rely on your dominant to understand how far they can push you.
Cerebral Triggers
As someone who considers herself a bit of a cerebral slave girl, I’m biased. I love to think and tie my mind in knots, and I’m easily mentally triggered. Having someone almost psychoanalyse and deconstruct me to the point they know what I’m thinking before I do can be incredibly erotic and powerful too. In domestic discipline-type relationships, protocols or rituals can also bring about intense subspace. Or sometimes, it’s just a look or a touch, something so simple that no one could ever imagine the profound connection it creates between two people
Emotional Triggers
Being taken care of, not unsurprisingly, can make me feel incredibly submissive. Emotive triggers such as being cared for, encouraged, prioritised, or invested in can bring about huge waves of often unexpected subspace, which can flip sexually at any time.
Sexual Triggers
Pure sexuality may not require too much explanation. The raw nature of sexual power exchange, an exquisite journey in its own right, but ultimately remains a vehicle for creating trust.
Psychology Of Surrender
Even when we can’t bear the predicament, we betray ourselves by surrendering to the will of another, sometimes pushing us to our very limits. We willingly subject ourselves to things we’d never normally contemplate, or even hate. A battle of wills ensues in our minds, as we realise that it’s the power and control another has over us that is arousing, while the act itself becomes irrelevant in the shadow of the power exchange it creates.
Lessons Learned
If I were to share lessons I have learned along my journey into submission, they would be, in no particular order, the following:
- Never lie, including lying by omission. Lying erodes the foundation of any D/s connection. If you cannot trust your partner(s), it is impossible to create a power exchange dynamic.
- Be prepared to relinquish some control. Many are afraid to truly let go. This is where bratty subs can come into play, too afraid or unwilling to surrender, they remain in a constant state of rebellion disguised as humour. This often leads to a role reversal where submissives control their ‘dominant’ partners, with neither truly owning themselves.
- Integrate yourself. Accept and integrate who you are rather than what you think society wants you to be. I used to refer to myself as an alpha sub because I couldn’t accept that I am a beta. There is nothing wrong with being naturally submissive, especially in a world that often demands alpha females. As a consequence of acceptance, I have never felt more at peace with myself. Ironically, I now feel stronger and more submissive.
- Submission is not a weakness; it’s an expression. Embrace your orientation.
- Communicate. Knowledge is power and vital in creating a power exchange and trust dynamic. Communication is also crucial for pushing boundaries.
- Be vulnerable, and that applies to both Dominant and submissive. A Dominant has to let go as much as the submissive, albeit in different ways, but essentially both parties have to let go.
- Put in the work. It takes effort to work on yourself as much as the connection.
- Respect and prioritise each other.
- A good Dom will earn, build, and maintain your submission. While a good sub will earn, build, and maintain your dominance.
- Be boundaried. Strong boundaries are healthy and attractive for both sub and Dom. Also, be careful not to give more than you receive, an easy mistake for a submissive. If your dynamic is asymmetric, it’s time to talk and reevaluate.
- Support each other. All relationships are different, but one cannot sit back and let the other do all the work. Sometimes people need time out or support.
- Consider mental health. Pay attention to emotional states, anxiety, depression, and any long or short-term health issues.
- Manage expectations. What is your partner capable of and willing to give or offer? Is it a lifestyle choice, or just scratching an itch? What is actually available?
- Invest in the connection. Barking orders or disciplining someone with no substance behind it ultimately won’t create a meaningful exchange.
- Trust is sexy; play with it!
Helmut Newtons’ Two Pairs Of Legs’ Paris 1979
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