When I opened Pandora’s box so many years ago, my youth, inexperience, and desire for a mature, experienced dominant partner meant that questions about submission, my role, or equality didn’t arise until much later.
Despite this lack of questioning, I did not fall into submission; I walked into it, fully aware of what it meant for me, yet for a time, this part of my life remained in the shadows. It wasn’t until I moved beyond misconceptions and damaging stereotypes that I truly began to understand it. In doing so, I became stronger than I ever imagined. Ironically, my journey into submission became a journey into power and a path to self-actualisation.
Beyond Labels
Submission, much like dominance, is not a one-size-fits-all concept; it is as unique as the individuals who choose it.
So, what happens when a dominant is just beginning their journey in a world that demands experience? What space is there for the 80-year-old submissive who still longs to kneel? And how do we make sense of the 18-year-old dominant just beginning to step into their power?
Consider the dominant who rejects the trappings of their lifestyle in favour of simplicity and spirituality. Alternatively, think about the high-achieving submissive who believes that no dominant could possibly teach them anything, and vice versa.
Then there is the wealthy dominant who assumes that all submissives must be inferior, simply because they haven’t “made it” yet. But what if, within this dynamic, it is actually the submissive who holds the financial power?
The truth is, none of these things matter. Partnerships, by their very nature, are paths to learning and growth, regardless of age, experience, or preference. We all serve as mirrors to one another, but in dominant/submissive dynamics, these reflections can feel even more polarised.
The Power of Choice
The power in these relationships does not rest solely in the hands of the dominant partner, and we are not referring to power in the typical sense, such as wealth, status, success, or connections. Society often teaches us that these are the markers of a powerful individual; yet, they can be hollow victories compared to love, kindness, compassion, and genuine connection.
“The real power in all of this has nothing to do with titles, roles, or external achievements. The real power lies in choice.”
The real power in all of this has nothing to do with titles, roles, or external achievements. The real power lies in choice.
The Paradox of Submission
If submission had ever been expected of me, I would have rebelled. Had I lived in another time, I might have been a suffragette, fighting for women’s rights, because I believe, without question, that we are all equal and should fundamentally be treated as such. A truly healthy dominant/submissive partnership should reflect that same principle.
In fact, the more equality a relationship holds, the greater its potential for depth, trust, and fulfilment. A D/s connection isn’t about power exchange in the way many assume, it’s not about one person controlling another. It’s about both partners having their needs, wants, and desires met in a way that builds unshakable trust.
Erotic Polarity
Submission is often mistaken for weakness or lack, but it has nothing to do with loss or being the lesser part of something greater. It’s an act of will, not about roles, but about energy. Erotic polarity is the current that flows when one leads and the other opens.
Just as you may crave true dominance, a true dominant craves real submission in return. Both are equally valuable, equally powerful, and, in their purest form, far rarer than many may realise. Because being desired is one thing, but being claimed, understood, and truly seen is another.
Submission and Respect
Choosing submission does not mean submitting to the world, nor does it require taking a lesser position to every like-minded individual you meet.
When I attend events, I dress elegantly and expect to be approached as I would approach others, with respect, openness, and courtesy. First impressions often lead some to assume I am dominant, and that is entirely fine. Because unless I have explicitly consented to submit to you, I will approach you as an equal, regardless of your orientation or mine. And I expect the same in return. This is simply basic manners.
Once again, the key here is consent, a principle often overlooked but absolutely non-negotiable. And ultimately, what we do in our private lives is no one else’s business unless we choose to make it so.
Breaking Free
Despite my commitment to this journey, I struggled with submission for many years. The world seemingly demands that we all be career-driven, powerful, independent women while dismissing those who prefer more traditional or submissive roles.
The irony is that I’m fearlessly independent. I have never been afraid of being alone, and I have carved a path entirely my own, one that defies convention. Yet somehow, I still felt as though I had failed.
Today, I suppose in more general terms, I might be labelled a sigma female. For years, however, I referred to myself as an alpha sub, thinking that labelling myself as part alpha somehow justified or compensated for my insecurities. In truth, that was a trap, a mindset that prevented me from fully embracing who I truly was for far too long.
Choosing this path also meant choosing it over things like marriage and raising a family. Not because I would have rejected them if they’d come along, but because my choices made them unrealistic. When you fall in love with (and submit to) a secret agent with as many passports as submissive lovers, things like marriage and family feel less like a natural trajectory and more like an impossible contradiction.
Life demands sacrifices, and for me, security, a traditional home life, and marriage were the things I left behind. But I didn’t give them up because I had no options. I gave them up because my path was never meant to be ordinary.
The Power of Self-Acceptance
The greatest revelation of my journey has been finding confidence and power in the very places I once believed I had none.
For years, I felt ashamed of the parts of myself I now cherish. BDSM, among many things, has taught me acceptance, a lesson that extends far beyond kink. Because when you stop fighting the parts of yourself that make you unique, when you embrace them, integrate them, and grow into them, something magical happens.
Paradoxically, the more I allowed myself to be truly submissive, the more powerful I became. A good Dom understands this and nurtures it, just as a submissive, in turn, empowers them.
Had I possessed the confidence I have now in my younger years, I would have been dangerous, but perhaps that’s the point. Strength doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from reclaiming the parts of yourself you once resisted. It comes from realising you were never broken to begin with.
Knowing When to Let Go
If I were to imagine myself as a dominant, which I understand well in theory from the other perspective, I would seek a powerful submissive. When she knelt before me, I would want to feel the weight of her surrender, knowing it was given to me alone, not by default, but as a deliberate choice. That is a true exchange. After all, to submit, you must first have something of value to offer.
So, to those considering this path or struggling with similar conflicts, embrace and accept yourself fully. Just as true power is knowing when not to use it, and a strong man is not one who can take a life, but one who chooses not to, submission, when chosen, should come from a place of strength. And for a Dominant, true mastery lies not only in control but in understanding vulnerability and knowing when to let go.
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